Wedding Bells

Linnea proposed to me the day before Valentine’s Day in February 2022. Before this we already knew that we wanted to get married in July since this is the holiday month in Finland, meaning almost everyone is off on holiday (yes, for a whole month!). This would make international travel much easier.

In July 2022, one year before the wedding, we began making preparations. Our first step was to book the church. Even though we lived in Lappeenranta at the time, we knew that we wanted to get married in Helsinki for a few reasons:

• Although gay marriage was legalized in Finland back in 2017, we weren’t sure we could get married in a Lappeenranta church, since the decision is up to each individual pastor. We knew there were pastors in Helsinki willing to marry same-sex couples and didn’t want to deal with the possibility of rejection in Lappeenranta, which had vague information on its website.
• Several international guests would be on our wedding list, and the two-hour train ride to Lappeenranta would make the journey even longer. Within Finland, we only invited a few people from Lappeenranta, so this would be an unnecessary inconvenience for domestic guests as well.
• In addition to our wedding, our international guests could be tourists in the capital city of Helsinki, with much to see compared to Lappeenranta.

We ended up moving to Helsinki at the end of 2022 anyway, so overall we were really happy with our decision to have the wedding in Helsinki. Since summer is a popular time to get married in Finland, and Helsinki city center churches are in high demand, we booked according to recommendations: one year before the wedding. I called promptly on July 4th, and secured our spot at Töölön kirkko (Töölö Church). We chose this church for its beauty, location, and size. The next step was finding a venue for the reception, which involved searching all places within ten minutes walking distance from the church. We contacted about a dozen for offers and eventually settled on Ravintola Kaarti (Restaurant Kaarti), which is seven minutes from the church by foot. About a month later we visited both the church and the restaurant on a trip to Helsinki. Seeing them in person confirmed our choice and made us even more excited; we began to truly envision the wedding!

Around the same time we began thinking about a photographer. Since we didn’t have much reference for photographers in Finland, I asked the International Working Women of Finland group for recommendations, especially for those with experience working with interracial and queer couples. The most suggested was Niki Strbian, so we looked at her portfolio and reached out. Unfortunately, Niki informed us that she would not be available for our wedding. However, Niki surprised us with an offer to shoot our engagement photos for free! We gratefully accepted the offer and had our photo shoot at Kallahdenniemen uimaranta (Kallahdenniemi Beach) in Helsinki at the end of October. It was so much fun, and we loved working with Niki!

After such a wonderful session with Niki, we couldn’t imagine ourselves with any other photographer for our wedding. Nevertheless, we continued with our search and contacted a few photographers. But no one felt right. About a month after the photoshoot, Niki informed us that she actually would be available for our wedding! We were estatic and locked her in right away. At the end of the year, we took a few months off and restarted after the New Year, when we began wedding planning in earnest. It started with a virtual meeting with Niki in January, countless emails with Ravintola Kaarti as well as an in-person visit at the end of May, and a visit with the pastor at the end of June. And of course, organizing all of the small details in between.

For a while I struggled with what to wear on our wedding day. I knew I didn’t want to wear a wedding dress but also didn’t want to look like I was wearing a men’s suit. So eventually I decided to have a suit made at Räätälistudio BQ. Linnea and two of my bridesmaids came with me to the first appointment, where I was measured and picked out fabrics. I had never owned such a fabulous outfit and was very happy with the outcome. On our way home from the tailor’s, we stumbled upon Kanniston Leipomo red velvet cupcakes at the nearby K-Market. These sweet bites were an unexpected delight, and an idea formed: what if this would be our wedding cake? I have always loved red velvet cake, and it would be a unique way to bring American culture into the Finnish wedding.

One of my hobbies is making homemade paper, which I started just before the Coronavirus pandemic began. When thinking about our wedding invitations, I knew I wanted to somehow incorporate my paper. During one trip home, I took a few pink egg cartons that my mom had gotten from the farmers’ market, knowing they’d be perfect for paper. I made the paper and designed the invitation from a Canva template. Earlier in the autumn we had ordered a personalized seal with our initials from Etsy. Put that all together and our wedding invitation was complete. We used the leftover paper to make name cards for the tables. As a crafty person, I was pleased to be able to make some of the decorations for the wedding.

My lovely bridesmaids organized a bachelorette party about a month before the wedding. We started with a cozy morning of brunch and painting at someone’s apartment. Next we traveled around the city center of Helsinki, where I had to solve a series of clues to figure out our next destination. Finally, we went back to another apartment to relax, play games, and eat dinner. At the end of the night we had one more activity: Finnish bridal sauna. This involved traditions- such as having various ingredients like salt and flour rubbed on me, singing songs, and running around outside “naked” (in a swimsuit) while shouting the names of previous lovers- aimed at bringing luck and washing away the past before the wedding. This is a unique part of Finnish culture that I’m really glad I was able to experience. Some of us stayed the night and then enjoyed breakfast together in the morning. It warmed my heart how much thought and planning went into this occasion. Huge thanks to all of my bridesmaids for making this one of the most special days of my life!

Despite being all the way in Finland, 18 guests were able to travel from abroad (U.S., Germany, and Estonia) for our wedding. I had been friends with some of the international travelers since 5th grade and was so glad to have them celebrate with us. My parents and siblings arrived the same week, and it was great for our families to meet before the wedding. Only my mom and brother had met Linnea’s family during their trip to Finland the previous December.

The day had finally arrived! Linnea and I picked up the flowers and headed to our hotel, where we were luckily able to check in early to get ready with a few of our bridesmaids. Shortly after we took pictures with Niki before the ceremony. It was raining on and off much of the day, but as “they” say, rain on your wedding day is good luck. If nothing else, we at least got some aesthetic shots with Linnea’s red umbrella.

Our wedding was a unique blend of Finnish and American traditions. With about half of our 50 guests not understanding Finnish, we decided to hold most of the ceremony in English. Select parts were in Finnish, such as the hymn, scripture reading, and the pastor’s question to Linnea. Even though Finnish weddings do not typically include vows, we incorporated them into ours. I said mine in Finnish, and Linnea said hers in English. Unlike in the U.S., Finnish church weddings last less than 30 minutes, making the ceremony short and sweet. While others headed to the restaurant, we took pictures with our families and then moved on to the reception- Linnea and I walking with our “Juuri vihityt” (“Just married”) sign instead of wedding car cans.

After a welcome toast, we enjoyed a tasty two-course buffet. A wedding buffet? I also questioned this initially, but this is actually very common in Finland. The meal was delicious and had plenty of variety. Apparently, we forgot to mention that there would be multiple courses, so everyone definitely had enough to eat! It was a fun night filled with speeches, games, dancing, and more! Everything was magical, and it was certainly a day I will always remember. Linnea and I agreed that it was the best day of our lives thus far.

Since it was our wedding night, we decided to treat ourselves to a suite with a sauna at the Scandic in Töölö. The wedding package, including breakfast and sparkling wine brought to our room, in addition to late checkout, was the perfect way to start our first day as a married couple. We spent the rest of the day together, in wedding bliss.

The next weekend we donned our wedding attire again for a reception in St. Louis so that more U.S. relatives and friends could attend. Our venue was the Spink Pavilion at the Missouri Botanical Garden. The Garden holds a special place in my heart since my parents live only a few minutes away, and we grew up going several times a year to different events throughout my childhood. The Garden views were stunning, and we had a wonderful time. A heartfelt thanks goes out to my parents for helping to organize our second big day!

We are truly grateful for everyone who celebrated our wedding day(s) with us, either in person or in spirit. We were surrounded by love and community.

Next stop: honeymoon in Rhodes!